Pizza Hut's Bad Service.

I no longer order delivery pizza from Pizza Hut. They lied to me. There are two things I cannot stand; being ignore and being lied to.

I also don’t order from them because their understanding of “on time” is different to how the rest of the world understands it. If I say I’ll be somewhere “on time” I will be there either AT the time agreed or BEFORE the agreed time. That, to me, is “on time.”

I don’t order pizza often, but when I do feel the pang I used to alternate between ordering from Pizza Hut and Dominos. It seemed only fair. They were two pizza businesses trying to survive in our small town. I know both of them are well known, very commercial businesses, but they are both franchises paid for by the managers. It costs around £150,000 to “buy” a Dominos franchise for example, so alternating which business I gave my custom to seemed the best things to do.

On this occasion it was Pizza Huts turn. I dug out their latest menu, took the requests from my household and gave them a call.

On the front of the new Pizza Hut menu it stated “Hot and On Time – GUARANTEED!” This was great news. I was famished, as were my family, so I was quite reassured to see this guarantee.

I rang at 7.15 and ordered 3 pizzas. After taking my order the girl said it would be here by 8.15.

“An HOUR?!? To make and bring pizza?!?” I exclaimed. Dominos gets to my house within 30 minues, but as I was being fair and alternating between shops, plus as I’d already called and placed my order, I agreed.

So we waited, hungrily, for an hour.

At 8.20, 5 minutes past the “guaranteed” time, nothing had arrived. I didn't want to be picky and ring them at 8.16, so I waited a full 5 mins. Even with this extra time buffer, nothing arrived. Then I waited a bit more, just to be sure.

At 8.25 I rang Pizza Hut back. I told them that we were still waiting for pizza, and that it was 10 minutes late.

The lady said it would be there “soon.”

"But the menu says 'Hot and On Time - GUARANTEED!" I pointed out.

"Oh, don’t worry, it will still be hot," she reassured me.

"It's not the temperature I'm bothered about. It's the 'on time' thing." I explained.

"It'll be there very soon." she repeated.

"But it isn't on time. Your menu guarantees it will be on time, and it isn't.”

She asked me "What time were you told it would be there?"

"8.15 - and it didn't arrive on time. It's 8.26 now, and it still hasn't arrived. It's late."

"So it's only 10 minutes late?" she queried, either not seeming to understand their guarantee or not wanting to acknowledge it.

"It should have arrived 11 minutes ago." I was becoming angered.

"Well the driver has only just set out, so technically it's not late yet."

"...what??” I couldn’t believe she was arguing back. I didn’t care how recently the driver had set out! “ It didn't get here by the time I was told. It is LATE!"

“It will be there very soon, sir,” she reiterated.

Just then there was a knock at my door. I stomped to the door, phone in hand, and opened it to find a small Spanish man holding out pizza. Pizza had arrived 12 minutes late.

I was absolutely outraged. I took the pizza, thanked the man (I didn’t see this as being his fault,) returned the phone to my ear to find that the Pizza Hut lady had hung up.

At the time it didn’t occur to me how arrogant the phrase “technically it’s not late yet” was. What do you mean “technically”?!? It didn’t arrive at the time I was told it would do. That IS “late”, isn’t it? I’m not sure how else I should interpret “late”.

Technically it arrived AFTER the time I was told. Technically AND literally, AND physically, AND honestly, it WAS late.

Their “guarantee” is not a real guarantee, as if they don’t stick to the promise there is no comeback. No compensation. If the guarantee is not adhered to, they offer nothing as an apology!

Pizza Hut should change their guarantee to:

Hot AND On Time – GUARANTEED*!

(*if your pizza does not arrive hot OR on time, it will arrive slightly later and maybe a bit cold. Enjoy! J )

So I no longer order from Pizza Hut because their menus lie, their guarantees mean nothing, their staff have no understanding of simple English phrases like “on time.”

Bad show, Pizza Hut.

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Guest Blogging - My Post

Link: http://typecast2000.blogspot.com/2010/07/silence-isnt-golden-its-wet.html

I was recently a guest blogger on a blog called Typecast. (What a brilliant name for a blog!) The topic was "parenting", so I decided to share my one and only parenting tip with the world, along with the true story behind it.

Here is my original blog in it's entirety. If you want to see it in situ, please click here to visit Typecast - here!





Silence isn't golden, it's wet

I have been a parent for 14 years. I rarely give advice out to other parents, as I believe it really is something they should learn for themselves.

However, the one thing I can guarantee is that if you have young, normally loud, chatty children, if they go noticeably quiet they are either planning evil things or DOING evil things.

I have three children. For the sake of anonymity I shall call them Child1, Child2 and Child2.1

Child1 is the oldest. Child2 is the middle child and Child2.1 (who came along much sooner than we planned for, hence the number) is the youngest. At the time of the following story they were 6, 3 and 2 respectively.

Years ago, Child1 used to be very travel sick. If we were in the car for more than 15 minutes, he'd explode like Niagra Falls. If he was on a ride at a fair that went on for more than 3 minutes you could see him turn green. If we took him onto a bus, we couldn't travel for more than 10 minutes before he'd blow like a geyser, which does kind-of limit where you can go to if you don't have a car.

He's always been travel sick since birth but, oddly, Child2 and Child2.1 have never been travel sick. They could travel to and from town on buses, or go on rides at the fair and remain unaffected by motion.

So when we decided to go to Ikea we knew that, because it was 40 minutes away, we'd have to give Child1 a travel sickness tablet to prevent the otherwise inevitable vomiting. The instruction in the box said the tablet would start working immediately and last for up to 6 hours. This was ideal. We made him eat one, waited 15 minutes as a precaution, and set off on our 40 minute journey.

35 minutes into our 40 minute Ikea journey and he was still fine! He was chatting away, not spewing, and he showed no signs being ill. Being the oldest, he sat in the middle seat with a lap belt, so occasionally I checked my mirror to look at him, to try to gauge his wellness. He was quite perky. This was a GREAT day!

As we approached the Ikea car park, I slowed down, pulled in and drove around for a bit to try to find a space. While I was searching for a space it occured to me that, although Child1 was chatty, the other two were noticeably quiet. I assumed they'd nodded off. "Everyone ok back there?" I asked.

Suddenly, Child1 let out an horrific noise, like a part-scream, part-alien-birth noise. My first thought was "OH GOD, HE'S SICKED!!!" I slammed on the brakes and turned around expecting to see Child1 vomiting yet again, covered in his own sick.

But he hadn't been sick. What I witnessed was something far worse.

Now, I know what you're thinking. What IS worse than being covered in your own sick?

A: Being covered in your brother and sisters sick.

As I turned around, Child2 and Child2.1 had both turned inwards to face him and were doing Exorcist impressions, and all Child1 could do was sit there and try to stop two independent streams of vomit with his bare hands. It was like watching synchronised gargoyles, both turning inward and projectile sicking on cue.

Child1 just looked at me, his arms, hands, lap ALL completely covered, and did a massive frown. I think that at that moment in time, if he could have been sick he would have. But, ironically, he was the only one who physically couldn't.

So if your children EVER go quiet, bad things are afoot.

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How do their minds work?

One of my kids (Child 2) said that when he was older, he was going to make a film.

"At the end of it," he said, "it's going to say 'no animals were harmed in the making of this film."

"Whats your film going to be about?" I asked.

"It's going to be called 'Harming Animals.'" he replied.

Beautiful.

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More Famous Than...

There are many Celebs on both Twitter and Facebook, and it occured to me that the "fame" that many celebrities have is mainly dictated by the number of followers they have. The more famous you are, the more followers you have. If you're popular, you are more famous. If you were once famous but it was years ago, you don't have as many followers. On Twitter, at the time of writing this, I have 270 followers.

Now I'm not famous by ANY means. I've been on the radio a couple of times discussing the 80s for one of my other websites listed on the right, and I was recently on the BBC Genius panel after sending in a Genius idea to the BBC that they wanted to include in the TV series. To be honest, hugging Dave Gorman in the green room afterwards was probably the closest I've ever been to fame. Oh, and I shook hands after interviewing Matthew Smith, creater of my all time favourite ZX Spectrum game Manic Miner. That is it. Those events are my entire list of "claims to fame".

So how many Twitter followers DO famous people have?

I did a search and was quite suprised how many, or how few, some celebs have.

Lee MacDonald, who played Zammo in Grange Hill, has just 659 followers. Gordon Burns, Krypton Factor presenter, has just 2453. Surely these people should have MANY more than this?

Moira Stuart, my mate informed me, has just 54 followers. She presents the National News! 54!?! I'm already more famous, follower-wise, than her!

And so it began - I decided to try to get more Twitter followers than famous people.

I compiled a list of celebs, along with their follower numbers and their Twitter IDs. I sorted it by follower numbers, to show celebs with the least followers at the bottom.

I then set up a new Twitter account, called @MoreFamousThan and proceeded to become More Famous Than celebs.

If you're passing Twitter, please stop by and click to follow me. The list is the background image on my Twitter account. All I'm doing is getting as many followers as possible, to outfame celebs. It's purely for a laugh and in no way malicious. If any celebs take offense, I will remove them from the list.

As of right now, I'm more famous than Fred Talbot, Moira Stuart, Julia Hardy and Lee MacDonald.

@MoreFamousThan

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Paranormal? Probably not.

I absolutely love the TV show Most Haunted. I've watched it from the first series, when Derek Acorah was the man who could sense paranormal activity and talk to the dead through his spirit guide, Sam. I've watched every live episode, whether it was a one nighter, a three nighter or the recent week long "Faces of Evil" live series.

I am also an avid fan of Ghost Hunters, with Grant and Jason, the Roto Router plumbers, who do their best to either prove or debunk paranormal claims made by home and business owners. They film around 6 hours of footage on four different cameras, record hours of conversation using digital recorders, and spend days analysing every detail of the footage before presenting the evidence, or lack of it, to the client.

But I know it's not real. I believe there are no such things as ghosts or paranormal activity, and that everything dubbed as "paranormal" will have a logical, real world explanation.

I don't watch these things because I believe in them, I watch them because it's great TV played out by great actors. I assume this is one of the reasons why you watch the programmes that you like too?

Recently, my appreciation of Most Haunted came up in conversation. I was talking with a friend who also watches it. They too had seen pretty much every episode.

I mentioned that I thought it was great TV, to which they obviously wholeheartedly agreed, but when I mentioned that it isn't actually real, they became quite defiant. Actually, I'd go so far as to say they became quite threatening.

"Of course it's real! They listen to the spirits, and they can tell you things that happened years ago that people wouldn't just know nowadays. They're passing on messages to living relatives. Do NOT say it's not real when the messages they're sending back are giving peace to the living relatives."

With the reaction I received, I might as well have said "Oh, by the way, I've just taken your dog to the orphanage, slaughtered it and smeared it's entrails over the kids faces, before shouting 'Happy Birthday, from your dead Mum!' "

It has always amazed me how adamant people are that paranormal activity exists. My take on it is: If the same things can also be accomplished by a more logical means, then it seems foolish to instantly attribute it as paranormal.

Lets say a ball rolls off a table in an empty room. Did a spirit move it, or is it more likely that a draft lightly blowing the ball off the table? Or a vibration caused by people outside the room walking past, or vibrations from a vehicle outside, made it start to roll? Or was it set up to roll off by being tied to fishing line? Or.... there are so many other possible causes.

Why jump in and commit to the paranormal theory, when there are many other plausible explanations for EVERYTHING.

This lead me to compile a list of alternative options that people should consider before deciding that an event is paranormal. They are sort of in order, with the most likely cause first, but is by no means a definitive list of alternative explanations.

  • Other Humans - Unintentionally or otherwise, other humans are the most probably cause of "paranormal" events. Whether it's creaky noises that they cause underfoot from walking in old houses, or reflections of themselves (or apparitions as the "paranormal" sights are called). They can also throw things through the air, giving the impression of poltergeist activity, and make grunting and sighing noises to sound spooky.
  • Weather (wind, rain) - Noises caused by wind can sound very spooky. Wind can also blow outside objects into the side of houses, causing bangs. Rain, including the long term effects of it, is very damaging. It can cause old beams to warp, floorboards to become uneven and electrics to become faulty.
  • Changes of Temperature Affecting Surroundings - Old houses let in a draft. A cold draft can cause usually silent houses to become comparatively loud and bangy. Warped wood creaks as it's temperature changes, and pipes can clunk.
  • Open air vents or windows causing convection currents - When a door slams, there has probably been an unnoticed, undetectable convection current involved. It's just the wind trying to escape as quick as it can, but pulling movable objects with it.
  • Badly sealed fixtures, allowing initially unnoticed convection currents - In my house the central heating boiler is behind the fire downstairs. The boiler is on a timer. At 7am, the boiler kicks in with a whoomp. At the same time, through the closed downstairs door, up the stairs, around a corner and through another closed door, my bedroom curtain twitches. This is a convection current.
  • Creaking floorboards - Caused by being walked on, or weather, or changes of temperature...
  • Animals (rodents) - Scratching noises, rustling noises, high pitched distant screams? It's probably an animal.
  • Passing vehicles - These cause noise, vibrations, light AND shadows.
  • Imagination - When people are exploring a "haunted" place, the seed that it is "haunted" has already been planted in their conscious mind. Imagination runs riot, attributing every event as a haunted occurance.
  • Mass hysteria - When you have a group of people all exploring a "haunted" place, everyone is of the same mindset and expecting something paranormal to happen. As soon as one person screams, everyone screams.

All the above are logical, plausible and scientifically provable explanations. If you experience anything that you believe to be "paranormal", please review this list in order to help work out what actually caused whatever you think you saw or heard. No doubt even after reading this you'll dismiss my list completely and still opt for the paranormal option, which is absolutely fine.

Wrong, but fine.

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The Ebay Challenge

A few months ago, we had a challenge at work to see who could make the most money from Ebay, by selling things they had bought from a pound shop. We spent up to £5.00 each, buying up to 5 things, and sold them to see who could make the most money back.

I won, (obviously,) even though I only made about £2.80 back. I only bought 4 things, and only two of them sold. For some reason the James Bond replica car and and an old peoples "grabber" were more popular than sexist fridge magnets and a toy frog. The world is a bizarre place.

Recently the idea for a rematch surfaced and, as there are now more work colleagues interested in playing along, it was decided that some clear updated rules were needed. So here they are!

The idea:

  • To buy things costing no more than £5.00 in total, sell them on Ebay and see who makes the most money.

Buying:

  • You can buy as many items as you like, as long as the total spent does not exceed £5.00. (You could get five items from a pound shop, or two items from two different shops, as long as the total spent does not exceed £5.00.) You are no longer limited to pound shops.
  • If you buy item(s) online, only the cost of the item(s) will count towards your £5.00 total, not the postage.
  • Items can be bought and listed on Ebay up until the 23rd June.

Selling:

  • Everything you sell must be sold on Ebay between June 1st 2010 and June 30th 2010.
  • If an item does not sell, it can be relisted, but unless sold by the competition end date it will not add to your end total.
  • Whoever makes the most money, not including amounts charged for postage, is the winner. (Even if the total made is less than the total initially spent.)
  • On June 30th, Whoever has made the most money from the sale of these items is the winner.

If you fancy playing along, let me know!

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Toto The Indestructible Dog

My mother-in-laws mum, or Grandmother-in-law, had a dog called Toto. He was a tiny, fluffy dog that was quite giddy. I think he was a Scottie. He was brown and black, fluffy, and he disliked my ankles. Whenever we went around to where he lived, he often attacked my ankles. That was all he could reach.

I first met him in 1995 when he would have been about 5 years old. Over the next 10 years, with every visit at Christmas time, we saw him get noticably older.

By age 15 (in human years) he was nowhere near as spritely as he used to be. He had had to have his teeth removed at some point over this time, so had to eat a special type of dog food from the vet. He looked very tired, he did smell slightly, but he was still a lovely dog.

Then one November evening, in front of my mother-in-law and her mum, he collapsed. It was his time. He was 15 years old, which is a great innings for a tiny dog. His time was quite rightly up, and he fell over and died.

At the time that it happened, there were only 2 people in the house. My Grandmother-in-law, and my mother-in-law. Toto belonged to my Grandmother-in-law and she was, quite obviously, very distressed. She'd been with the dog for every day of his life. She had bought him from the pet shop, fed him pretty much every meal he had ever eaten, taken him for walks, played in parks with him and made sure he had a warm, secure home for the past 15 years. She was devastated.

So what did my mother-in-law do when Toto collapsed?

MY first thought would be to cover him up. Get him a nice blanket, cover him up and let him rest. Maybe I'd call a vet for advice.

But my mother-in-law. What do you think SHE did?

Phone a vet? Dig a grave in the garden? Console her mum, whose dog had just passed away right in front of her eyes? Nooo, that would be stupid...

She dropped to all fours, and gave him the kiss of life. She brought a 15 year old dog back to life, by grabbing it's face and blowing up its nose.

Just take a minute to imagine that......

The day after this happened, my mother-in-law phoned my wife to tell her the news. The conversation went something like:

"I have something to tell you. Toto died last night."

My wife, who had known Toto all his life didn't initially know how to react. Luckily, my mother-in-law continued...

"...but it's ok, I gave him mouth to mouth! He's back again now."

Out of the many things that my mother-in-law COULD have said at that point, THAT was one line I don't think my wife she was prepared for.

On our next Christmas visit, just 1 month later, Toto was there as giddy as a kipper. He still looked very old but he was definately alive. Along with the missing teeth and familiar odour, he now had small patches of fur missing and smelly breath. But he was walking and, more importantly, breathing! And he still loved sucking my ankles.

I watched him during this visit. In total I watched him for about 2 hours. I could tell what he was thinking.... "I'm 15. My arthritis is really bad today, I can't eat real food because I have no teeth, I smell and I KNOW I smell, but at least I'm still alive! *sigh* "

Anyway, he lasted another 6 months. Then, inevitably, he died.

Again.

At this point he still had no teeth, bad breath and smelly fur, but now the patches of missing fur were much bigger. 6 months longer is more than anyone could have imagined. He'd already had a great innings for a small dog, so having the 6 month extension was a massive surprise.

But once again my mother-in law, the dog snogger, desperate not to let him pass peacefully away, and came to the rescue by combining her mouth, his nose and some regulated blowing. He began his third spell of life.

Over the next 6 months more fur started to fall out. It was as though his mind believed he was alive, but his body had already come to terms with death and had started to decay.

Christmas came and we visited again. Technically this was the second time we had visited him since he originally died, and for a dog that had died over a year ago he was surprisingly agile. He had bald patches, still had no teeth, had bad breath, bad arthritis, was wobbly on his paws and had deveolped a sensitivity to light.

It really was as though he was trying to decompose in peace, but was unable to. Every time he tried to lie down and die he'd have my mother-in-law on hand with a defibrillator.

His appetite for ankles had returned, and he was feistier than I'd ever seen him before. I let him have a few nibbles, just for old times sake. Usually I'd shoo him away after a few sucks, but my reasoning behind letting him carry on longer than usual was "You never know, come this time next year he could have died. Finally."

At the end of our visit we said our goodbyes, and got into the car. As the frosty Decemer air touched my socks, my ankles stung. I checked my ankles only to see that Toto, the toothless decomposing dog, had managed to draw blood.

This was the first and only time I have ever been bitten by something that had died and decomposed, but was walking around as though it was alive.

Or, a "zombie."

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Midget Gems Game

Today, I invented a game – Midget Gem Gamble.

It’s such a great game!

It’s so good in fact, that when I explained it to a mate and demonstrated how to play, he was that impressed he said “I’d high five you, but your hands are covered in drool.”

Everyone knows that black midget gems are either the nice blackcurrant kind or the nasty liquorice ones. This game can only be played with packs of midget gems that contain the nasty ones.

The idea is to try to single out the black one from a mouth full of other flavours, and spit it out while retaining the nice ones in your mouth. The earlier you spit it out, the more points you score.

How to play:

  • Get a pack of midget gems.
  • Take out 10 midget gems, ensuring that you include 1 black one.
  • Throw all 10, including the black one, into your mouth at once.
  • Mix them around inside your mouth for 20 seconds.
  • Try to single out the black one by using taste only, and spitting it out into your hand.
  • If you get it first time, you score 1 point (1 is the best score, like in the popular music charts)
  • If you don’t spit out the black one, try again with the remaining 9.
  • Each spit after the initial one must be made within 5 seconds of the previous spit, or the score also reduces by one.
  • Each time you fail to spit out the black one, and reduce the number of midget gems in the mouth, the potential score reduces by one.

  • If you get it on “spit 2” you score 2. “Spit 3” = a score of 3, etc… but taking into account any occasions when the 5 second limit has been exceeded.

Tips:
When buying midget gems opt for value packs, as it’s harder to differentiate due to cheaper flavouring.
Play in a group. Playing this game alone signifies a high level of self loathing.

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Texting Strangers

When I was young, I used to think that everyones phone number was sequential like the house numbers. As in, your next door neighbour had almost the same phone number as you but minus or plus one.

As you know, my mobile number is 07919 390145. The numbers that have the same beginning but end in 144 and 146 are, in effect, my "mobile neighbours"

When you move into a new house, it's normal that you (eventually) introduce yourself to your neighbours. I'd had my mobile number for ages but had never put any effort in and introduced myself to my "mobile neighbours," so I decided to send them a text.

"Hi. Your phone number is just one digit different to mine, so we are text-door neighbours! Hope you're well. Don't worry - I'm not weird! Craig."

I realised it may be worrying to get a text from a random number, so I hoped to alleviate any fears my recipients may experience by adding the reassuring "I'm not weird" line. I felt it was a point I wanted to make as early on in our relationship as possible, to alleviate worries.

I pressed "send" and sat there, optimistically holding my phone.

An hour later I realised that my text-door neighbours were either out, or ignoring me. I didn't want to appear pushy to my new neighbours, but I also felt really let down by their lack of communication back. My original message specified "just one digit different to mine." I figured that it didn't matter WHICH digit was different, so I decided to change the second-to-last digit by +1 and -1 and text them too.

So texts went out to numbers that ended in 135 and 155.

Another hour passed and nothing.

I had sent texts to four random people, and it occured to me that there may be a few reasons why a response was not forthcoming.

1) They thought I was weird, despite my reassurance.
2) They didn't get the text. (Maybe their phone was off.)

Later that night, at around half seven, I popped onto Facebook and put a comment on my status asking "What replies would you get if you sent texts to your mobile neighbours, as in your mobile number +1 and -1?"

One "real life" friend (I say "real life" as opposed to "pretend" friend to differentiate between people I actually know and internet-only friends) thought this was a great idea and said he was going to do it. At the time of his reply it was around half eleven at night.

Five minutes later he re-commented that he couldn't wait and had sent them a "Will you be my friend?" text there and then.

How freaked would you be if you got a text at half to midnight, from an unrecognised number asking to be your friend? Personally, I would be "PROPER" freaked!

Next morning I checked my phone. Nothing. Nothing from all 4 of my mobile neighbours. Disappointed, I checked facebook. Anthony had also been unsuccessful in contacting his neighbours. But whereas I had let it go, Ant had decided to re-text them with "I can't believe you have ignored your textdoor neighbour. I hope you treat your real neighbours better."

I guess some people prefer real life.

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Internet Weirdo Results

They say the internet is full of weirdos. In all fairness, it probably has many weirdos on it. However, I don't for one minute believe that there are proportionally more weirdos on the internet than there are anywhere else. Weirdos are everywhere and I have an equal chance of meeting one in real life as I do online.

So while I was bored one day, I decided to put my mobile phone number online for all to see. I was interested to see whether anyone would call it, but also interested to see whether I would be called by any weirdos. I imagine weirdos would like that sort of thing.

My mobile number is 07919 390145. (or +447919 390145 if you're an international weirdo.)

I decided Twitter would be a good place to start broadcasting, so I keyed in the following tweet:

Anyone ever wonder what would happen if you put your mobile number online, for everyone to see? Would anyone call it? Mine is 07919 390145.

I got a reply on Twitter shortly afterwards from a follower, saying that their mobile number had been online for years and they had had very few problems. This reassured me.

Other people asked if I had received any calls or texts. I replied that I hadn't.

Then I got a text!

"Hi, this is wolf******"

Wolf**** was obviously not a weirdo. He told me who he was, AND I recognised his username from Twitter as someone I talk to.

I replied to the text, letting him know he was my first texter.

Back on Twitter, I put a message:

Just one text so far... Internet weirdos, you disappoint! +447919 390145.

Then I got a series of texts from an unknown number...

Craig, stop fannying about with cheap mobiles and get some work done. :P

followed shortly after with,

Oh, hang on, does this make me an internet weirdo now? Nooo! *gives in and makes tinfoil hat* ;)

Again, these messages were clearly not sent by a genuine weirdo, but someone just having a laugh at the situation. I text back asking if I knew them, as they used my real first name, but they replied again to say they were just a bored Twitterer. I didn't know who they were, but that was ok. I was doing it just to see how many replies I got, not to collect contact details for people. Later on, however, I got a message on Twitter from Cherry******* saying it was her.

Next I got a text saying "Hi, can I be an internet werido? Found u cos I wondered what ud said to Paul Daniels!x" Earlier in the week I had messaged Paul, commenting about his levitation video on YouTube. (It looks great!)

"Course you can!" I replied.

On Twitter, tartan******* asked if I wanted people to phone or text. I replied "I don't mind. Text or phone, I'll answer or reply whatever people do. For the stats, I've had 3 seperate texters so far."

Shortly after I got a text from tartan******* saying that curiosity got the better of her. lol!

So I'd had a few texts from 4 seperate numbers, 3 of which were confirmed Twitterers who I "know" (as much as you CAN "know" someone you've only ever chatted to online and never actually met) and one stranger.

I was reassured that people online are no more weird than people I am likely to bump into on the street. Everyone had appeared friendly and had a laugh.

My mobile buzzed again, signaling another text. It just said "Your mother sucks cocks in hell! Bwahahaha!"

So 4 out of 5 isn't too bad a stat, is it?

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